Barun Pandey

Barun Pandey

What motivates me?

A month ago, I was heading to TIA to drop one of my friends who was heading abroad. This isn't a sort of a farewell piece where I write about how sad it is to see someone leave.

Rather, it is a tale of how I realized my dreams in an inconvenient place. Whilst I was bidding farewell to my friend in a rather inexplicable surrounding, my mind though was concentrated on a stance far too broad. I didn't know what I was going to do with my life. It is not something I often wonder about because I always thought I was ahead of time in several instances of my life. I have had dreams - but more often than not, I always took them to be far too stretched; yet somehow I found out how small they really were. But that day, I found slowly that in the way of reaching to my small dreams, and achieving them, I had just taken a stop. I was going no where. The motivation to do anything was completely lost upon me. What did I want to become? A billionaire. How do I see myself as a billionaire? I pause. What do I want to become? A powerful person. How? Pause.

Who are my priorities? My parents. How do I make them proud? A long lingering of the past.

I thought I had already done enough in life to make them proud - but with my pointless accomplishments, I was already lost in a wonderland in a time where I was supposed to work hard and make a proper foundation for a good future. That very moment, I started to panic. I started to delve for something I adored, or I could be happy to work upon in the future. I had always wondered if I really loved what I studied. In the past, my parents always said I had huge interests in computers - but maybe I loved computers because I loved to play games. I thought I would become a good web programmer because I loved the web world where I once used to work. However I have never really sat down and wholly concentrated on the little nitpicks to learn something. Then, I come to writing. I enjoy writing and that's why I create so many blogs.

Yet, I'm never concentrated enough to write regularly. I just give up on everything before I can really begin to yield something out of it. It all came to my mind that day. I realised I had spent the last two years of my life just concentrating on how to start a dream rather than continuing it to make it reach full potential.

It reminded me of a time when I owned HamroFootball - my first and only successful website till date. The memory put me in a limbo. I found another Indian Sports website called Sportskeeda to be a dream - and I started to build HamroFootball on the same preset of the idea along with my brother. But, I gave up on it because it reached a total downfall.

I changed stances and paths just because my idea reached a definite failure. I realised how I could have started something different or continued to work on it to reach its full potential. But the failure bored me. The failure deprived me of a goal. Why? It was because I thought I had already achieved enough for a 17 year old - which is the biggest mistake of my life yet. I thought the fulfillment of initial small dreams I kept were enough for me. But two years later, I am the same Barun and now, the halt has affected me. In the past, I didn't see a way to recover because I was devoid of motivation.

Small dreams no longer attract me and I had no energy to vouch for big dreams. It was a let go moment for me. I had to do something. I had to build a dream again. The idea of remaking the dream isn't simple. I had stalled. But the world didn't. The competition to achieve my dreams are far more difficult than it was three years ago. But I am motivated after the total blank I had a month ago. Because I have a dream and I will work to fulfill it.

So today, you can ask me the same questions I asked myself a month ago. What do I want to become? A Media Mogul. How do I become one? By persistent work and effort. Who are my priorities? My parents. How do I make them proud? By reaching my full potential.